Conflict resolution skill # 10 is reward each other for working together.
In conflict resolution the goal is to meet each week in order to learn the process of creating new solutions. It is much easier to meet with someone who rewards you than with someone you feel is upset with you.
A primary reason that couples avoid resolving conflict is fear of the outcome. “We’ll get into a big fight, and I’ll feel worse after our discussion than I do now!” This narrative can change.
Remember the process is all about being polite and respectful of each other. Take turns sharing your perspectives, have fun with the process. Then, think of a good reward to keep the other engaged.
Let’s talk for a moment about rewards. Money is not a good reward for this process, neither are promises of sex. I would call that process bartering!
The best reward for me is to hear my wife say “I really appreciate you taking the time to share your life with me. I value this time together because it helps me understand you and feel closer to you. Could we do this again next week?”
Just writing the sentences helps me fall more in love with her, because I’ve heard her say those words. Think about creating a reward statement for your partner that would express your appreciation of their time and focus. Then be prepared for the relationship to grow stronger.
I’ll close this discussion on conflict resolution tomorrow.
I would appreciate any comments you may have on this series.